Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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Someone has just stolen a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line.
She's not bothered about the pants, she just needs the twelve pegs back.
She's not bothered about the pants, she just needs the twelve pegs back.
- A Muslim friend of mine was asking me if I knew anyone that could convert him.
- I said I could do it for him if he was interested and he practically jumped at the chance.
- So I took him to the local rugby ground and kicked him over the bar.
- A kid goes up to his dad and says, "what does a vagina look like?"
- His father says, "Son, before sex a vagina looks like a rose, with pink velvety petals, and the aroma of perfume."
- The kid says, "what about after sex?"
- His father says, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"
- Beer vs. Vagina
- 1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.One point to BEER
- 2.Warm beer tastes awful.One point to VAGINA
- 3.A really cold beer is satisfying.One point to BEER
- 4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.One point to VAGINA
- 5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There"s definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I"ll just call it a DRAW for the time being.
- 6. Ten beers in one night and you can"t drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don"t want to drive anywhere.One point to VAGINA
- 7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.One point to VAGINA
- 8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA
- 9. You normally don"t find old beer.One point to BEER
- 10. Too much beer and you"ll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you"ll think you"ve seen God.One point to VAGINA
- 11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun.One point to VAGINA
- 12. In most countries there"s a tax on beer.One point to VAGINA
- 13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.One point to BEER
- 14. You can always be sure if you"re the first one to open a bottle or a can. One point to BEER
- 15. If you shake beer it"ll get all agitated but eventually it settles down.One point to BEER
- 16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc... with vagina you also have a choice, white, black, asian, hispanic, and eskimo...Call it a DRAW
- 17. You always know how much beer is going to costOne point to BEER
- 18. Beer doesn"t have a motherOne point to BEER
- 19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you drink it One point to BEER
- 20. Beer with yeast in it still tastes rather nice.One point to BEER
- FINAL SCORE: BEER: 11 VAGINA: 9
- That"s it! The matter is settled, the unfortunate yet tasty winner is: BEER
- PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them.An extra point for BEER.