Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS" into the name of "an important human body part which is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS" into the name of "an important human body part which is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
My pregnant wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does it make my butt look big?"
I texted back "Noo!"
My phone autocorrect my response to "Moo!"
Please send help!
I texted back "Noo!"
My phone autocorrect my response to "Moo!"
Please send help!
Getting ready for the World Cup
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- After saying I didn"t want to go and see my mother-in-law in hospital, my wife said I needed to sort my priorities out.
- So I filed for divorce,
- got drunk and went to watch the football.
- That Viagra is great stuff.
- No matter how fat and ugly she is, I can still manage to give her one.
- I bet it was invented by a Yank.