Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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An 80yr old man walks into Jewellers with a gorgeous 25yr old fit blonde & asks for a special ring for the lady.
Jeweller says "Here's one for £5000." Old man says "No I want a very special ring." So he pulls one out for £65,000, he says "That's the one !, I'll write a cheque & when it clears on Monday we'll come & fetch it."
On Monday the Jeweller phones the old man & says "There's no money in the account."
Old man says "I know, but can you imagine the weekend I've had!!"
Jeweller says "Here's one for £5000." Old man says "No I want a very special ring." So he pulls one out for £65,000, he says "That's the one !, I'll write a cheque & when it clears on Monday we'll come & fetch it."
On Monday the Jeweller phones the old man & says "There's no money in the account."
Old man says "I know, but can you imagine the weekend I've had!!"
Looks like a 'bum' deal.......
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Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced,
"Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."
The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always search for the black box first?"
"Please prepare for a crash landing!"
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first."
The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned
"Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first."
The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
"Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned.
"Well they always search for the black box first?"
I bought a deodorant stick today.
The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
I can barely walk but when I fart the room does smell lovely.
The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
I can barely walk but when I fart the room does smell lovely.
Phil and Gary Neville back in their early days.....
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- What"s the definition of "Endless Love"?
- Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.
- I had a really spicy curry last night, and now my arse is in fcuking tatters.
- I feel like a girl who"s been on a blind date with John Leslie.
- An old lady visits the dentist, sits in the chair, lowers her pants & lifts her legs in the air.
- "I"m not a Gynocologist" says the dentist.
- She says, "I Know. I want you to take my husbands teeth out"