- Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action.
- Eager to please, I sent her my ironing.
- That should keep her quiet for a while
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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- An American meets an Ethiopian.
- The American says, "Fcuk me, you look as if you"ve survived a famine!"
- The Ethiopian says, "You look as if you ****ing caused it you fat cnut!
- A Chelsea fan goes to the doctors and says
- "Doctor, every time I masturbate I can"t help shouting "come on Chelsea"!"
- Doctor replies "Don"t worry, a lot of wa*kers say that!"
- What does a Newcastle fan do after his team has just beat Real Madrid in the champions league?
- Turn his playstation off and get into bed with his sister.
- Woman says to husband
- " I've got nothing to wear to the fancy dress"
- So he says to her "Pull your flaps over your head an go as a sugar puff"
- Bit of a warning for the weekend.....
- THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
- 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon
- THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
- 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate
- THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
- 1. No thanks, I"m married.
- 2. Nope, no more booze for me!
- 3. Sorry, but you"re not really my type.
- 4. Doner Kebab? No thanks, I"m not hungry.
- 5. Good evening, officer. Isn"t it lovely out tonight?
- 6. Oh, I couldn"t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
- 7. I"m not interested in fighting you.
- 8. Thank you, but I won"t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I"d hate to look like a fool!
- 9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this car park or on the side of the road.
- 10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.
- 11. Thank you Mr. Taxi Driver, that was a very reasonable price.
Liverpool are pleased to announce the signing of:
NO SALAD.
NO SALAD.
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