Off Topic Jokes thread
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I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth, but one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans.
The police have been told to be aware of Fulham fans bringing flares to Wembley for the Play Off Final
Apparently that's what they wore last time they were there!
Apparently that's what they wore last time they were there!
Nothing prepares you for the look the cashier gives you when you buy a flashlight, tampons, and WD-40 !
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Went on a date last night with a woman who had a stutter.
The waiter asked what she would like to order and she said " N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n "
I really felt for her so I shouted " Batman "
The waiter asked what she would like to order and she said " N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n "
I really felt for her so I shouted " Batman "
My Mum always used to say to me, "Always go for ugly women, that way you know they'll always be faithful."
Clearly she's never f*cking watched the Jeremy Kyle show.
Clearly she's never f*cking watched the Jeremy Kyle show.
Paddy gets stopped towing a horsebox on the motorway.
Police ask him "Where are you going sir?"
Paddy says "I'm taking these horses to the races"
"But your box is empty sir!" says the policeman.
"I know" says Paddy, "I'm taking the non-runners first !"
Police ask him "Where are you going sir?"
Paddy says "I'm taking these horses to the races"
"But your box is empty sir!" says the policeman.
"I know" says Paddy, "I'm taking the non-runners first !"