Off Topic Jokes thread

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Today marks 16 months without drinking a drop of alcohol or any kind of wine. Six months of eating 7 fruits & vegetables a day, 10 glasses of water, no carbs or red meat, and 8 hours of sleep a night. The change in my body & mind have been fantastic ! I feel great, I lost weight, & my way of thinking is very positive. I am planning to keep this up because I choose to. I exercise every day.


I have no idea whose post this is, but I was happy for them, so I copied & pasted it.
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On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked,
“What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
 
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A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said,
“Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
 
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