Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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- Just remember, there are two sides to every divorce:
- Yours and sh*thead"s.
- I saw my neighbour in the garden digging.
- I asked, "what are you up to mate?"
- He replied, "I"m going to dig a really deep hole, fill it with water and have a bucket we can send down to get the water if ever we need it."
- I thought, "I"ll leave him to it,...... he means well..."
- What"s the similarity between skydiving, and getting a blow job off a granny?
- Don"t look down!
- Just watched a program on Channel 4 about some Canadian blokes who go out trying to catch crabs two months a year!
- Surely 90% of men in Manchester do that every weekend?
- A man asks his friend, "what"s the most common French expression?"
- His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
Breaking News:
The lrish government have announced that as of next week, all cars in lreland will now drive on the right hand side of the road. lf this is a success, all buses and lorries will follow a week later.
The lrish government have announced that as of next week, all cars in lreland will now drive on the right hand side of the road. lf this is a success, all buses and lorries will follow a week later.
Just seen that Wayne Rooney has been to visit Sir Alex Ferguson.
'His speech is improving and he can nearly string a sentence together,' said Fergie.
'His speech is improving and he can nearly string a sentence together,' said Fergie.
I bought a new pair of trainers from the drug dealer down the road.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
After hearing a pretty girl talking at a bar last, I went over.
"Your dad must have been a thief" I said, buying a drink.
"Why?" She replied, giggling at her friend. "Because he stole the stars and put them in my eyes?"
"No - it's your scouse accent."
"Your dad must have been a thief" I said, buying a drink.
"Why?" She replied, giggling at her friend. "Because he stole the stars and put them in my eyes?"
"No - it's your scouse accent."