Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
- Start date
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Been sacked from my job at the sewerage plant.
Management said I was just going through the motions.....
Management said I was just going through the motions.....
I was in Turkey last week on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stoneground razor from below the neckline, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub.
Honestly, the wife's never looked so good!
Honestly, the wife's never looked so good!
- I was sitting at the bottom of our back yard last night, and whilst gazing heavenwards,
- I watched the moon as it crossed the sky - like an amber chariot.
- I saw the stars scattered in space - like diamonds sprinkled on dark blue velvet.
- I thought - how insignificant we are compared to the vastness of the universe.I also thought..................
- It"s about time I got a f*cking roof put on this outside toilet!-------------------------
I got home last night, the wife was in the kitchen.
I knew she was getting my tea ready – I could hear the fire extinguisher going.
I knew she was getting my tea ready – I could hear the fire extinguisher going.
I call my wife "Treasure".
She reminds me of something that’s just been dug up.
She reminds me of something that’s just been dug up.
Last August, I took my wife to Dover she stood on the cliffs in a bikini and all you could see was illegal immigrants diving in screaming and swimming for home.
I can't stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
F*cking firemen.
F*cking firemen.
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
My car's fan belt snapped and I had no money on me to buy another. Luckily, I knew how to use the wife's tights to fix it.
I put them on my head and robbed Halfords.
I put them on my head and robbed Halfords.