Off Topic Jokes thread

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  • Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mum tried this new method with 6 steps:
  • 1. Unbutton pants
  • 2. Pull pants down
  • 3. Pull foreskin back
  • 4. Pee
  • 5. Push foreskin forward
  • 6. Pull pants up and button up
  • She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
  • Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
 
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  • Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner.
  • One says to the other, "jeez, i"d really like to dance with that girl."
  • The other man replies, "well go ahead and ask her, don"t be a chickenshit."
  • So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "excuse me. would you be so kind as to dance with me?"
  • Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "i"m sorry. right now i"m contemplating on matrimony, and i"d rather sit than dance."
  • So the man humbly returns to his friend "so what did she say?" asks the friend.
  • The drunk responded, "she said she"s constipated on macaroni, and would rather sh*t in her pants."
 
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