Off Topic Jokes thread

antipodean exile · Aug 9, 2017

'I'm going to the doctor," says Mary.
"Why, what"s wrong?" asks her best friend Sara.
"I want to ask him how many calories there really are in sperm."Sara says,
"why worry? If you"re swallowing that much, no man is going to care if you`re a bit chubby"

antipodean exile · Aug 9, 2017

"Before I come to a decision on these divorce proceedings, does anyone wish to speak?" asked the Judge.
The lawyer for the husband stood up and replied,
"M"lud, may I just bring to your attention once again, that what my client did was out of chivalry. Since when was it wrong to open a door for a lady?"
"I"m not disputing a chivalrous act," replied the Judge,
" but I think you"re overlooking the fact that the car was travelling at 70 mph at the time."

antipodean exile · Aug 9, 2017

A drunk staggers into the back of a taxi.
He leans towards the driver and says,"excuse me,have you got room for a lobster and 3 bottles of wine on your front seat?"
"I think so,"says the driver"
Good," replies the drunk,and throws up.

antipodean exile · Aug 9, 2017

So, Sting can delay his climax for seven hours.
Big deal. I"ve been banging my missus for forty years and she"s not had an orgasm yet.

antipodean exile · Aug 9, 2017