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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Knock knock
    Who"s there?
    I give up
    Ah, you"re French then.
     
    #1721
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1722
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1723
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1724
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1725
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1726
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Article 50
     
    #1727
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2017
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Didn't get much sleep last night thanks to my neighbour playing a Lionel Richie song over and over again!

    I wouldn't normally mind but it was "All night long!"
     
    #1728
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques shop today.

    "You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.

    "Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."
     
    #1729
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate was rushed into hospital this morning suffering from a severe case of premature ejaculation.

    I phoned the hospital to get an update of his condition and they replied, "it's touch and go at the moment."
     
    #1730
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My mate needed a Bone Marrow transplant and after many searches we found a perfect match in Argentina. The operation took place and was a great success.

    Our thanks go out to Diego, Marrow Donor.
     
    #1731
  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1732
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Interesting Human Body Facts- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.-
    A full bladder is roughly the size of a cricket ball-
    It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.-
    The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.-
    The average man"s penis is three times the length of his thumb.-
    A woman"s heart beats faster than a man"s.-
    If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.-
    Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.-
    There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.-
    The average person"s skin weighs twice as much as their brain..-
    Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still
    The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
    *** You looked at your thumb... Didn"t you?
     
    #1733
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1734
  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #1735
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My missus went swimming in the ocean while we were on holiday. I shouted to her, "be careful out there!"

    She said, "Don't worry, there are no sharks in these waters."

    I said, "No, but I heard the Japanese whaling fleet is in the area."
     
    #1736
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Scotland have said they don't want independence after we said they could have it on one condition they take Liverpool with them.....
     
    #1737
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1738
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1739
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1740
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