Off Topic Jokes thread

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As it's Yorkshire Day today, I'll share one of my favourite Yorkshire jokes with you.

A guy from Leeds goes to the vets.
Vet says, "I hear you've got a problem with your cat?"
"Aye, I ave" the guy replies.
"Is it a tom?" the Vet asks?
"No", the man says, "I've brought it with me."
 
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  • I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.
  • A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
  • On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn"t because I"d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I"d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
  • I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
  • I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
  • Horrified, she asked if I"d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.
  • I told her no, it was because I"d been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
  • I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
  • Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food?
 
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  • You"ve heard the tale of Robin Hood,And how he did poor people good,but there"s more to this old story,than Sherwood Forest"s Pride and Glory.
  • At night when all the robbing was done,the merry men would have some fun,in fact it would be fair to say,The Merry men were rather gay.
  • As Little John starts to unwind,Robin takes him from behind.
  • As they frolic in the grass,Robin rams it up his ass.
  • One night when they were all at play,a pretty maiden came their way,she sauntered up to Friar Tuck,and said, "I"m Marion, wanna f*ck?"
  • Tuck could not believe his ears,"She wants a shag off us old queers!"
  • When he recovered from his shock,Robin whipped out his fat cock.
  • Marion"s clothes were off in a flash,The merry men all had her gash,
  • They satisfied her every whim,and shot their man-fat up her quim.
  • When all was done she spoke a rhyme,"Thank you boys for the lovely time,But for your pleasure you must pay,I"ve got herpes; have a nice day."
  • "Now listen here," said Friar Tuck,"We really couldn"t give a f*ck,we"ve all got AIDS, so who"s ****ed now,
  • Have a nice day, you stupid cow."
 
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