Off Topic Jokes thread

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  • Barry and his vegan friend Sam were drinking tea one afternoon.
  • After they had finished Barry asks "Did you enjoy that tea?", to which Sam replied, "Yes it was lovely."
  • "I have something to tell you", Barry starts, "there was cows milk in that tea".
  • Furious, Sam leaves...Next week Barry was over in Sam"s house for tea. "Hey Barry, did u enjoy that tea?" "Yes....", he replies.
  • "I have something to tell you..." Says Sam,
  • "....I f*cked your wife."
 
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A few days ago, I found myself sitting on a bench in a park next to a homeless bloke.
I asked him how he ended up like this.
He said, "Until last week, I still had everything. I had a roof over my head, security, a cook, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had TV, the internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library. I had medical and dental care and was even studying for a degree."
I asked, "So what the hell happened to you, man? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce? Bankruptcy?"
"Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. "No, I was released from prison early ... the b*stards let me out on parole.”
 
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