Off Topic Jokes thread

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Disgusted to hear that despite of the recent fiasco of DHL failing to deliver KFC products that they have now gone and won the Cadburys contract, great timing just before Easter!

Problem is they now don't know what to deliver first.. The chicken or the egg!
 
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  • A priest and a nun are on their way back from the seminary when their car breaks down.
  • The garage doesn"t open until morning so they have to spend the night in a B&B. It only has one room available.
  • The priest says: "Sister, I don"t think the Lord would object if we spend the night sharing this one room. I"ll sleep on the sofa and you have the bed."
  • "I think that would be fine," agrees the nun.
  • They prepare for bed, say some prayers and settle down to sleep.
  • Ten minutes pass, and the nun says: "Father, I"m very cold.
  • ""OK," says the priest, "I"ll get a blanket from the cupboard."
  • Another ten minutes pass and the nun says again: "Father, I"m still terribly cold
  • ."The priest says: "Don"t worry, I"ll get up and fetch you another blanket.
  • "Another ten minutes pass, then the nun murmurs softly: "Father I"m still very cold. I don"t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for a night."
  • "You"re right," says the priest. "Get your own blankets."
 
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  • Little billy put his hand up said to the teacher,hey teach i want a piss,
  • teacher replies billy you must say i need a number one,
  • bit later billy puts his hand up again and says teach i want a sh*t,
  • teacher says no billy you must say i need a number two,
  • anyway later little johny put his hand up and says to the teacher it not for me but Billy he wants to fart but doesnt know the code number.
 
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  • The spot where Marc Bolan died has, over the years, grown into a shrine to his memory with fans from all over the world leaving flowers and momentos.
  • A recent meeting of the local council decided it would be appropriate to place a permanent memorial at the site.
  • After due consideration it was decided to erect a simple sign.
  • On one side it reads "This sign commemorates the spot where Marc Bolan met his tragic death".
  • The other side says WARNING - TREE
 
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