Last night I opened my front door to a group of carol singers and said to them, "Do you know Silent Night?" "Yes," they replied. I said, "Well f*ck off then, because I want one!"
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea. I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how violent and angry she was when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and even into the next morning. Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it.
With Paul Clement gone, this is now the third December in a row that Swansea have sacked their manager. Some people will do absolutely anything to avoid buying a Christmas present.
After seeing those cute puppies on the Andrex advert, I decided to get the kids one for Christmas. I can't wait to see their excited little faces when they open up their extra-soft toilet roll.
My mate in the pub had a DIY breathalyser: it was a bag that told him when he"d had too much to drink. I have no need for it though, I married one.
