Off Topic Jokes thread
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My mate said you want to go to the new pub and see the barmaid, 40b-34-38.
I said sod that im not getting 3 buses to see anyone
I said sod that im not getting 3 buses to see anyone
A rare Picasso has just sold for £106 million.
Who on earth pays that sort of money for a Citroen?
Who on earth pays that sort of money for a Citroen?
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A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his trousers, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
Don't tell me, she said let me guess.. Smallcox?...
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.
Why are your feet so gross?"
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
The bride was satisfied with this explanation, and they continued undressing. When the groom took off his trousers, his bride once again wrinkled up her nose.
"What's wrong with your knees?" She asked. "They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
Don't tell me, she said let me guess.. Smallcox?...
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I went into a shoe shop and asked to see a pair of loafers.
The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.
The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.
Diane Abbott says: Angela Rayner is like a daughter to me — she has worked tirelessly for Britain, focusing on housing, working families, and building stronger communities.
She added: Our party is considering Angela for a future leadership role, including the possibility of becoming Prime Minister. She is highly capable, honest, and incredibly hardworking. While nothing is confirmed yet, I would be proud to see her in that position one day.
She concluded: I believe the people of Britain will continue to support Angela because of her dedication, strength, and leadership — she truly stands out as one of the most promising figures in British politics.
She added: Our party is considering Angela for a future leadership role, including the possibility of becoming Prime Minister. She is highly capable, honest, and incredibly hardworking. While nothing is confirmed yet, I would be proud to see her in that position one day.
She concluded: I believe the people of Britain will continue to support Angela because of her dedication, strength, and leadership — she truly stands out as one of the most promising figures in British politics.
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