A blonde is sick of being labled a "dumb blonde" so goes to the hairdressers to buy a brunette wig. "How much are they?" she asks."30 quid plus the tax"" replies the hairdresser. "Forget the tax," she replies, "I"ll use glue.."
What's the difference between Snow White and Glasgow Celtic? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.
The real reason that Robert Mugabe was forced to resign as president of Zimbabwe? They finally discovered that he is really a Yorkshireman who fooled them all these years by spelling his surname backwards.
Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English in three weeks. After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more English by saying "Every day I have taken my son to football practice and my daughter to dance class. I've recently started going to the pub and drink pints of Carling and every Friday I have fish & chips. My favourite football team is Manchester United. Beat that!" The other Syrian simply replies with: "Get out of my country, you f*cking paki c*nt".
When I was young we were very poor and I sometimes had to wear my sister's old clothes to school. Turned up in the same dress as my teacher one day. Don't know who was more embarrassed, him or me.
I ordered some stuff online the other day and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
