I’ve been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently, the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't, "Ta-Daa!"…
My English teacher said to me,", you'll never be any good at Poetry". "Well," who's laughing now, I've made three vases and a teapot"....
An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bollocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets.
