Off Topic Jokes thread

[Wooperts_duck]

An elderly man was telling his neighbour

"I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbour . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty." He replied

 

[Wooperts_duck]

Will miss my dad this Christmas.

I know he'll be up there, looking down at us all.

Moaning about the broken stairlift…

 

[antipodean exile]

Happy Birthday Keith Richards!
Keith Richards (born 18 December 1943)

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[antipodean exile]

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[antipodean exile]

Luke Littler looking like he's just taken over the family funeral director business

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[Wooperts_duck]

I was shopping in town today and stopped a woman in the street.
"Excuse me love....., have you any idea where I can get a decent jumper??"
"Have you tried Fat Face??"... she replied.
"Good idea..," I said.
"Do you know anywhere??".... I said, turning to my wife

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[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

I was at my mate Dave's wedding and got chatting to a woman. I said to her "And what do you do?"

She said "I'm a head teacher."

I replied "Could you teach my girlfriend - She's awful at it......"

 

[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

Chief ,Sitting Bull, and his 5 squaws, and 7 braves go to a restaurant ,and go straight in .

The girl on the desks shouts out "You can't go in there ,unless you have a reservation "