1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29421
    antipodean exile likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as you please in Heaven, just don't step on any ducks."
    The women are puzzled but proceed into Heaven. Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere. In a matter of minutes, one of the women steps on a duck.
    Saint Peter walks up to the woman with a hideously ugly man. Saint Peter shackles the man and the woman together and says, "for stepping on a duck, you have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."
    The other two women are shocked but go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck. Immediately Saint Peter comes and shackles her to another ugly man.
    The last woman tries desperately to not step on a duck. After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man. He shackles the woman to the man and after a while, the woman being thrilled to be chained to such a handsome man, says "I don't know what I did to deserve this."
    The man replies, "I don't know what you did lady, but I stepped on a duck."
     
    #29422
    antipodean exile likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29423
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29424
    antipodean exile likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29425
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    IMPORTANT MESSAGE

    CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.THANK YOU!
     
    #29426
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29427
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29428
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29429
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    Just opened a fusion restaurant serving Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine

    It's called ...."Wok Like An Egyptian"
     
    #29430

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    It's a little known fact that the Last of the Mohicans reinvented himself as a Scotsman.

    He became known as Hawkeye the New
     
    #29431
    antipodean exile likes this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,182
    Likes Received:
    293,979
    Just heard Sean Connery's version of Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay.

    Completely different song to the one I remember.......
     
    #29432
    antipodean exile likes this.
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29433
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29434
  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29435
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29436
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29437
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29438
  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29439
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,694
    Likes Received:
    33,928
    please log in to view this image
     
    #29440

Share This Page