One day, on the savannah, a lion, a cheetah, an elephant and a warthog were all sitting around after their respective meals and discussing which species has the biggest potential for success. The elephant suggested that they settle this, once and for all, and that they take a cue from humans and test this by starting their own businesses, and then checking in in a month to see who did best. The Warthog decided to hire other warthogs to occupy the shadiest groves, and then charged animals $5 to lay in the shade. The Elephant built an elaborate harness for his back, and charged other animals $15 for elephant rides. The Lion started a personal protection racket, offering gazelles protection from the lions in exchange for a fee of $10. But the Cheetah had the best idea of all, starting a courier service, using his incredible speed to bring messages from animal to animal, all across the savannah, for $20. Within weeks, all the animals were using the Cheetah’s service to communicate, while the lion, elephant, and warthog sat mostly idle. Finally, a month had passed, and the elephant, cheetah, warthog, and lion met up again with their bank statements to try and guess who might win. The Warthog had earned $150, the Elephant had earned $185, the Lion had earned $200. But Cheetah’s bank statement showed only $2. The other animals were shocked, because “Fast Cat Courier” was the most successful business by far. The other animals asked Cheetah what went wrong. “Business has been great,” the spotted cat said, “but alas, Cheetahs never prosper.”1
Rumors of a food shortage at this year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
