An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."
A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"
A tourist is walking through the red light district in Amsterdam when he sees a fine looking lady. He approaches her and taps on the window. "How Much?", he asks. "1000 euros", the woman replies. "Wow, thats quite a lot isn"t it?" "Yes. Well it is double-glazed."
Saw an article in a woman"s magazine titled "All Men Are Liars". Which was strange because it was right next to an advert for a Wonderbra.
Overheard today at the airport check in desk, from a loud American couple- " Ma"m, are you sure it is still safe to fly to Atlanta? Only we hear that the Russians have been attacking Georgia."
A blond decides to go ice fishing. So she cuts a hole in the ice and sets up her stool when a voice booms from the heavens, "There are no fish under that ice." She moves her stool over ten feet and cuts another hole. Again, a voice says, ""There are no fish under that ice!" "Is that you God?" the blond asks. "No. This is the manager of the ice rink."
On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll f*cking skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't f*cking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me either." "F*cking great," I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
Husband wanted to call the hospital to ask about his pregnant wife, but accidently called the cricket stadium. He asks, “Hows the situation?” He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply. They said, “It’s fine. 3 are out, hope to get another 7 out by lunch, last one was a duck!"
