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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. devonFRATTONiser

    devonFRATTONiser Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

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    Due to the cost of living crisis, Chris Rea has just started walking home for Christmas
     
    #27661
    devonFRATTONiser, Aug 31, 2023
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  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27662
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27663
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27664
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27665
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27666
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27667
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27668
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter.
    He and his friend went outside to play in the snow.
    After about an hour, his friend’s mother called them back inside and had them remove their wellies and gloves.
    Johnny’s friend’s mom was a tall voluptuous, woman who would warm her son’s hands by putting them between her thighs.
    So as usual, when her son came in from playing in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he replied “yes”.
    She then put them together and stuck them between her warm thighs.
    After a few minutes, she asked
    “are they warm yet?” and the little boy said “yes”.
    Johnny watched his friend and waited for his turn.
    His friend’s mom then asked him if his hands were cold, to which he replied, “yes”.
    So she took his hands, put them together and stuck them between her thighs.
    After a few minutes, she asked if his hands were “warm yet” and he said “yes”.
    So she took them out.
    Johnny continued to stand there with a sly ****-eating grin on his face.
    When the mom asked
    “well, what is it now, Johnny? What’s wrong? Johnny looked up at her and replied:
    “My ears are cold too!”
     
    #27669
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27670
    antipodean exile, Sep 1, 2023
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Just arrived at a Swiss suicide clinic.

    You know what they gave me for breakfast?

    Cheerios !
     
    #27671
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I was trying to work out the nautical term for 6 feet depth of water.

    I just couldn't fathom it out !!
     
    #27672
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 1, 2023
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I've had the 5hits for 5 weeks.......

    Never mind, they go back to school next week!
     
    #27673
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 2, 2023
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27674
    antipodean exile, Sep 2, 2023
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27675
    antipodean exile, Sep 2, 2023
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27676
    antipodean exile, Sep 2, 2023
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27677
    antipodean exile, Sep 2, 2023
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27678
    antipodean exile, Sep 2, 2023
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #27679
    antipodean exile, Sep 2, 2023
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I keep having a dream that I'm a horse.

    That's five nights on the trot now.......
     
    #27680
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 2, 2023
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