My auntie Marge has been ill for so long we have changed her name to, “I can’t believe she’s not better.”
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died. She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Judy remarried again, and this time, she & John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together." Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?" Margaret replied: I think he means her legs, Ethel!"
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with some moody customers. So when one irate woman stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice,"What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the postman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!" "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid.
There was a Japanese man who came here for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!” The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was $300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”
It is a known fact that all daughters-in-law have problems with their mother-in-law. Anyway... One day the daughters-in-law all got together and decided to apologise to their mothers-in-law for everything they had supposedly done wrong. A week later the daughters-in-law decided to take their families (including their mothers-in-law) on a picnic. The mothers-in-law were all in one bus, which was the first to leave. On the way their bus had an accident and all the mothers-on-law died. The daughters-in-law were devastated but one in particular was more heart broken than the rest. Everyone tried to console her by telling her that at least her mother-in-law had died without any tension between them. But still she cried. Eventually when she was calm enough to speak the other women asked her, "Why are you crying so much? Was your mother-in-law that special?" The woman sobbing uncontrollably replied... "No, she missed the bus!"
