Shamima Begum is said to have contemplated suicide after this week's court ruling. She said "I'd started making the Vest and everything!"
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him,“What's wrong?” The boy says,“Me ma is dead”. “Oh bejaysus,"the man says. “Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?” The boy replies,“No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian." The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia." The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful country Australia!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan. I am not Australian." He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an Australia woman?" She says, "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Australian?" The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. "Does anyone know how to put 2 holes into one hole?". None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and figure out how to put 2 holes into one. The kids came back the next day and still, none of them knew the answer. "I will show you the answer now children" says the teacher as he looks pretty chuffed with himself. He proceeds to hold his pointer finger against his thumb making a little ring. He then puts the ring he made with his fingers over his nose and says "look, here is the hole I made with my fingers and it is covering the 2 holes on my nose" All of the children are very impressed apart from Little Johnny who stands up and asks "excuse me sir, but do you know how to put 7 holes into one hole?" The teacher replies "I have no idea Johnny, why don't you tell us how do you put 7 holes into one hole?" Little Johnny replies "you simply stick the recorder up your arse sir".
I phoned a Chinese takeaway tonight, after numerous attempts of trying to get through a man answered and said “hello, I’m Whan King the chef.” I said “no worries, I’ll call back later.”
Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other!
