Off Topic Jokes thread

[Wooperts_duck]

Hold it firmly in your hand
Put it in your mouth
Lick it to straighten it
If that doesn’t work suck it
Now you can put it in the hole
Threading a needle is so hard

 

[Wooperts_duck]

"Is that the Ballycashel Echo?" asks Mick.
"How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?"
"Five pounds an inch," a woman replies. "Why? What are you selling?"
"A ten-foot ladder," said Mick before slamming the phone down.

 

[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

Did you know that if you have a breakdown in an electric car you can still use the AA… However if it's a small electric car you have to use the AAA.

 

[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

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[Wooperts_duck]

David Beckham gets into a taxi at Qatar airport, he sees the driver looking at him for about 5 minutes in the rear view mirror. Eventually the driver says “ok, give us a clue then?”

Beckham sigh's and replies “well I had a glittering career for Man United, married a Spice Girl and played over 100 times for England, is that enough?”.

Driver says “no you thick c*nt, where are you going!?”

 

[Wooperts_duck]

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[antipodean exile]

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Ecuador players taking a bath after losing the opening World Cup game 5-0 to Qatar....

 

[antipodean exile]

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[antipodean exile]

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