Little old Paddy rides his donkey to the pub in his village everyday for his two half pints....one day after his beers he goes to leave and shocked, he sees someone has painted his donkey bright pink. Fuming, he goes back into the pub, stands on the bar and yells " I wanna know who painted my donkey pink?" From the corner, a big mean looking loner walk towards Paddy and is eye to eye with him...he says " I did, and what about it? Paddy replies, " I just wanted to let you know he is dry and ready for a second coat!"
A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nicola Sturgeon, Leader of the Scottish Nationalists. That evening, the man brought Nicola to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nicola and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nicola batted her eyelashes and with a sexy look, asked if there was anything she could do for him? He said, 'Could you maybe take the dog for a wee walk.'
After my wife and I have sex I always like to smoke a cigarette. It's the same packet I bought back in 1975 !..........
