Joke thread
- Thread starter DaiJones
- Start date
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Dai, going into my profile to find my surname? Seriously? Are you being bullied?
I take no credit for these jokes.
Where do fish wash?…In a river basin
What do you call a literary fish?…Salmon Rushdie
What part of a fish weighs the most?…It’s scales
What fish do road-menders use?…Pneumatic krill
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?…A fish tank
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?…Jack the kipper
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?…’Your plaice or mine.
I take no credit for these jokes.
Where do fish wash?…In a river basin
What do you call a literary fish?…Salmon Rushdie
What part of a fish weighs the most?…It’s scales
What fish do road-menders use?…Pneumatic krill
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?…A fish tank
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?…Jack the kipper
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend?…’Your plaice or mine.
yet more I cannot claim credit for.
Why is a fish easy to weigh?…Because it has its own scales
What’s the difference between a newspaper and a TV set?…You can’t wrap your fish and chips in a TV set
What do naked fish play with?…Bare-a-cudas
Why are fish cleverer than humans?…Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?…He called the piano tuna
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?…Because they have electric ‘eels
What day of the week do fish hate?…Frydays
What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?…Huckleberry Fin
Why are gold fish orange?…The water makes them rusty
What will santa bring your fish this christmas?…A scale letrix
What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?…Tsardines
Why is a fish easy to weigh?…Because it has its own scales
What’s the difference between a newspaper and a TV set?…You can’t wrap your fish and chips in a TV set
What do naked fish play with?…Bare-a-cudas
Why are fish cleverer than humans?…Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?…He called the piano tuna
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear?…Because they have electric ‘eels
What day of the week do fish hate?…Frydays
What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?…Huckleberry Fin
Why are gold fish orange?…The water makes them rusty
What will santa bring your fish this christmas?…A scale letrix
What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?…Tsardines
This bloke is wanting to breed sheep but the only male one he has is gay, as sheep are so rare in his area he decides to try and impregnate them himself by taking them to the woods and shagging them all one by one.
A local farmer explains to him that he will know his sheep are pregnant once they stop walking around and lay down.
The next day the bloke bundles the sheep back into the Land rover and again takes them to the forest and shags them all again, this time he's knackered and as soon as he gets home he falls straight into bed. When he wakes up the next day he dives straight for the window to see if the sheep are lying down....to his dismay they aren't so again he puts the sheep in the car and heads off to the forest. This time he shags them all twice for good luck.
When he gets home he is once again knackered so goes straight to bed, in the morning he asks his wife to look out the window and see what the sheep are doing,
"That's amazing!" she says.
"What are they all laying down?" he asks.
"No they're all in the Landrover and one of them is beeping the horn!"
A local farmer explains to him that he will know his sheep are pregnant once they stop walking around and lay down.
The next day the bloke bundles the sheep back into the Land rover and again takes them to the forest and shags them all again, this time he's knackered and as soon as he gets home he falls straight into bed. When he wakes up the next day he dives straight for the window to see if the sheep are lying down....to his dismay they aren't so again he puts the sheep in the car and heads off to the forest. This time he shags them all twice for good luck.
When he gets home he is once again knackered so goes straight to bed, in the morning he asks his wife to look out the window and see what the sheep are doing,
"That's amazing!" she says.
"What are they all laying down?" he asks.
"No they're all in the Landrover and one of them is beeping the horn!"
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Now that was quite good pal...we don't mind the odd sheep shagging joke....'erm just now and then!
I was walking down our street last night and sparky said why are you wearing one glove,i replied I saw the weather forecast last night and it said tomorrow will be warm but on the other hand it could be cold.
