Off Topic Have you ever?

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I've had a few when I didn't even know where I was tbh. I won't mention my best ever cos it sounds too boasty.

How about this one ...

... I was the substitute keyholder at Rock City when the head doorman was on holiday.

I got a police call at 4pm to say the alarm had gone off, but no signs of entry, so I drove down and opened up. We heard screaming so horrible we thought there'd been a murder but, when I lit the place up, found a woman lying on the dance floor in a hysterical state but no injuries.

I got her a brandy, from behind the bar, and managed to calm her down. The two young constables who'd attended allowed me to give her alcohol and calm her down <doh>

It turned out we'd missed her when we did the close-down sweep and she'd been asleep on the toilet of one of the 'ladies'. When she woke up the building, which has no windows, was in absolute darkness. She'd staggered around, drunk obviously, and couldn't find an exit by touch. If she had the fire exits were all chained and padlocked anyway.

Eventually she chanced upon a door with a sensor and the alarm went off which was incredibly loud. So now she's drunk, incapable, in pitch darkness and a piercing alarm going off.

To cut a much longer story short she ended up suing the club and won damages of £20,000 <laugh>
 
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I was away working for a week lodged in a small estate in york
Went out on the drink
At 2 am in the morning I returned was wandering around this estate and could not for the life of me find. The bungalow
I back tracked to the entrance of the estate stood and tried to work out the whereabouts of the bungalow
Still puzzled I back tracked further and was really confused
When I got my bareings and realised I had gone down into the wrong estate ( they all looked the same )
 
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Mate of mine was away with work. Had a skinful, got up in the middle of the night to have a piss, chose the wrong door and ended up locked outside his room in just his pants :emoticon-0102-bigsm
 
John Wick said:
Not sure how this thread will go but, the little idiosyncrasies we all share but never mention.... Have you ever fell asleep on a late afternoon, woke up in the dark and you haven't got a clue what day it is?

Any other "have you evers"?
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On my stag do in Edinburgh we rented rooms in the University. After planning to "take it easy" on the first night we (I) got absolutely bladdered.
Woke up stark bollock naked, laying face down on my bed with a kebab in one hand and the Daily Telegraph(!) in the other. My room was on the ground floor, the curtains were open and my light was on.
 
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TopCat_ said:
On my stag do in Edinburgh we rented rooms in the University. After planning to "take it easy" on the first night we (I) got absolutely bladdered.
Woke up stark bollock naked, laying face down on my bed with a kebab in one hand and the Daily Telegraph(!) in the other. My room was on the ground floor, the curtains were open and my light was on.
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These are the kind of idiosyncrasies I'm on about. Made me laugh that.
 
Bali. I was best man. 50 brits went. Day 1 I led the charge. Most were couples but my wife was a teacher and wasnt able to come. I woke up in the bath of a mate who was also on his own. My chalet was next door! Memories = 0.
 
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TopCat_ said:
Mate of mine was away with work. Had a skinful, got up in the middle of the night to have a piss, chose the wrong door and ended up locked outside his room in just his pants :emoticon-0102-bigsm
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If you’re talking about me we know each other. I did that in New York. I had to have a piss in the ice machine (always look out for yellow ice cubes in hotel ice dispensers ;-))
Luckily got away with that and there was a phone next to the lifts (as was the ice dispenser so it was a proper danger piss) and had to call reception who kindly sent up the biggest security guard (with gun) they could find to escort me back to my room. I got an award for best business trip story at the BA Christmas party that year :-D
 
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ISOE II said:
If you’re talking about me we know each other. I did that in New York. I had to have a piss in the ice machine (always look out for yellow ice cubes in hotel ice dispensers ;-))
Luckily got away with that and there was a phone next to the lifts (as was the ice dispenser so it was a proper danger piss) and had to call reception who kindly sent up the biggest security guard (with gun) they could find to escort me back to my room. I got an award for best business trip story at the BA Christmas party that year :-D
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Nah, my mate wasn't anywhere as exotic as NY - it was Leeds or London IIRC
 
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John Wick said:
These are the kind of idiosyncrasies I'm on about. Made me laugh that.
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Was rough as **** that morning. The only way I got through the main day of the stag was my best man hammering on my door at 0730 and forcing me to drink a (warm) can of Heineken as hair of the dog.
 
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I’d been over imbibing in the Sima club in South Shields. Got on the bus ok. Came to my stop at Chichester I got off, crossed over and started walking up Dean Rd. After about 10 minutes noticed that behind the shops to my left were houses. I stopped and puzzled about this. Surely there should be car parks there? Then the penny dropped. Instead of getting off at Chichester I’d got off 2 or 3 stops early. The road layout was almost identical. The part that bothered me was that it took so long for me to realise I wasn’t where I should be. I was staggering towards Cleadon, away from where I lived.
 
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I was off work on the Thursday as I needed to work the weekend. Went out with my mate for a pint and a game of snooker while my Nana was making the dinner. One pint followed another, which turned into a taxi to Newcastle and then at midnight a taxi to South Shields to go clubbing.

Woke up on the beach dressed in shoes, jeans, shirt and jumper. It was roasting. Realised I wasn’t on South Shields beach. Assumed it was Tynemouth and then realised that wasn’t the case either.

I’d woke up on San Antonio beach in Ibiza. Then I started to vaguely remember things like getting a taxi home. Then being in the airport. That’s it.

I was early 20’s then. Drink and drugs are bad for you kids.
 
The Legendary Tongue said:
Fell asleep after a **** and woke up looking forward to it then realising it’s already over and done with.
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I have a mate who was living in digs, came home pissed one evening after afternoon drinking, and fell asleep whilst ****ing. He woke up later to find that his landlady had left his tea on the table, and tucked his cock away.
 
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Neil said:
I have a mate who was living in digs, came home pissed one evening after afternoon drinking, and fell asleep whilst ****ing. He woke up later to find that his landlady had left his tea on the table, and tucked his cock away.
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<laugh>
 
Neil said:
I have a mate who was living in digs, came home pissed one evening after afternoon drinking, and fell asleep whilst ****ing. He woke up later to find that his landlady had left his tea on the table, and tucked his cock away.
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I wonder where else she tucked it first <laugh>
 
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