Off Topic Golf

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Dorty Dogbreath said:
I want to be off scratch by end of year. Practice, practice, practice.
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I used to find playing on my own best. If I play with others I'd get to competitive and take risks and get pissed off.. lost a 7 iron up a tree once and I through my clubs in a pond once
 
JakartaToon said:
Courtesy of the Portsmouth Board and put here mainly to annoy Chaos and DPP by resurrecting this thread

GOLF TERMS EXPLAINED
  • A Sally Gunnell - not pretty but a good runner
  • A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
  • A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
  • A Diego Maradona - a very nasty 5 footer
  • A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
  • A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
  • A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn"t
  • A Cuban - needs one more revolution
  • An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
  • An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
  • A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
  • A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
  • A Kate Moss - bit thin
  • A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
  • A David Trimble - tentative prod
  • A Glen Miller - kept low and didn"t make it over the water
  • An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
  • A Russell Grant - a fat iron
  • A Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable iron
  • A Rodney King - over-clubbed
  • An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
  • A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a goodrunner
  • A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
  • A Princess Di - shouldn"t have taken a driver
  • A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
  • A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
  • A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn"t have the legs
  • An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you
  • A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
  • A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
  • A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
  • A condom - safe but didn"t feel real good
  • A circus tent - a BIG top
  • An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
  • A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you"re not expecting it
  • A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target
  • A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn"t be
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Hmmm..... Sally Gunnell over Paula 'I **** on the roadside" Radcliffe anyday!
 
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