A friend, who is ITK apparently, sent me this quite amusing 'story' 
Steven Gerrard appointed as Newcastle manager on a 4 Year Deal
Steven Gerrard has been appointed manager of Newcastle UTD on a 4 year deal worth a reported £6 million per-year. The Liverpool legend will fill the vacancy left by his own former manager Rafa Benitez, having cut his managerial teeth with Glasgow Rangers last season.
Vision
“I can’t wait to get started,” said the former Liverpool captain. “Obviously you wouldn’t bring kids to a place like Newcastle, so it’ll be tough without my family, but it’s my job now to tear down everything that Rafa the waiter built and squeeze something that resembles football out of this squad of unco-ordinated oafs.”
Diamond
“Steve’s a diamond geezer,” the billionaire businessman told Soccer on Sunday. “He could have done a Walter White and let me choke on my own puke — rolling me into the recovery position was a touch of class. It shows character, in my book.”
“I promised Steve that he’ll have money to bring players in,” added Ashley. “which he won’t, obviously. It’s important to break that trust early with a few porkie pies, I find.”
Steven Gerrard appointed as Newcastle manager on a 4 Year Deal
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Steven Gerrard has been appointed manager of Newcastle UTD on a 4 year deal worth a reported £6 million per-year. The Liverpool legend will fill the vacancy left by his own former manager Rafa Benitez, having cut his managerial teeth with Glasgow Rangers last season.
Vision
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“Why Newcastle?” Gerrard told Soccer on Sunday. “The fans, the facilities, the city, the owner — all reasons to run a mile from the job, obviously, but I sat down with Mike and he outlined his vision before necking a bottle of gin and passing out in a puddle of his own piss. I shook his hand and rolled him into the recovery position. It was all very straightforward.”“I can’t wait to get started,” said the former Liverpool captain. “Obviously you wouldn’t bring kids to a place like Newcastle, so it’ll be tough without my family, but it’s my job now to tear down everything that Rafa the waiter built and squeeze something that resembles football out of this squad of unco-ordinated oafs.”
Diamond
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Mike Ashley says that he was impressed during his discussions with Gerrard.“Steve’s a diamond geezer,” the billionaire businessman told Soccer on Sunday. “He could have done a Walter White and let me choke on my own puke — rolling me into the recovery position was a touch of class. It shows character, in my book.”
“I promised Steve that he’ll have money to bring players in,” added Ashley. “which he won’t, obviously. It’s important to break that trust early with a few porkie pies, I find.”
