Election 2024
- Thread starter brb
- Start date
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EMPLOYEE NOTICE
Due to the current financial situation caused by the fuel crisis and the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to the Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Due to the current financial situation caused by the fuel crisis and the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to the Virus, recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
Absolute tit ... and to think, some numpties want to see this lot in Government... 
www.bbc.co.uk
Reform spokesperson sacked after Grenfell comments
A group representing the bereaved of Grenfell call Simon Dudley's comments "ignorant and callous".
www.bbc.co.uk
dont give a **** what he has to say about easter tbh
But its another example of British culture being ignored or disregarded for the sake of diversity
I feel so enriched
In fairness mate, I couldn't give a **** what Charlie has to say, I certainly wouldn't be looking out for any Easter message from him. I'd rather go visit a Cathedral or Church than have to listen to him, would be far more educational as far as culture goes.
He got me an Easter Egg, so maybe it's just Sucky he hates.
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so head of the church or whatever he is ignores Christians in a christian country during Easter but finds the time to be all beg friend to Muslims who are raised to hate him
You see nothing cos your as big a cuckold as he is
so head of the church or whatever he is ignores Christians in a christian country during Easter but finds the time to be all beg friend to Muslims who are raised to hate him
You see nothing cos your as big a cuckold as he is
He's the defender of faiths bro
You obvs didn't read the manual.
I don't want him going to the US but he's going, he has the power to speak for the whole of the UK here, he chooses not to publically.
He might do in quiet when he's there, but I don't particularly care about being friends with Trump nor the American people until they put the President in his place.
As it is from a press perspective, the media are quiet on the Democrat opposition front to Donald ****ing Duck, and until I see his potty mouth forcibly changed by those from within his party or from the opposition, they can go **** the **** off, and get their ****ing planes off UK territory.
So if Charles really wants to give me an Easter message as the Supreme Governor of the Church of England that would be for him to publically refuse to go, that's the only thing I want to hear personally.
And that really is the point mate, he dosen't represent me otherwise.
I'm about as far as you can get from being a Royalist. I've advocated for a Republic before for the UK and to disband the Monarchy
But you know what, it's times like this where I think having a head of state, who can keep relations on the good foot is a really valuable thing.
I'm no fan of Charlie or any of the pomp and establishment sycophantism that goes with it all. But I actually see the value in having somebody who represents our country and can hold sway with foreign leaders, and be outside of politics.
Trump is a Spastic of a man, but it still needs somebody to keep him onside with the UK.
UK politics is getting more and more divided over the whole Islam v everybody else and people like Farage and Reform and happy to ramp it up for political gain. Again it needs a head of state to just calmly come in and say Eid Mubarak and blessings to all of the Muslim folk in the UK.
I just see Charlie's role as a pragmatic one in a world where everybody needs to calm the **** down.
No, wrong, we don't need Trump onside, he's done us no favours, even before the outbreak of the war. Charlie going is like saying it's ok to do business with Jimmy Saville. A friendship should be built on trust and respect, not on threats from potty mouthed Presidents. When he's gone our allies should understand and reach out an arm of friendship again, until he's gone they can **** off.
I hear that argument. And in principle I agree with it.
There's also the old adage 'Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer'
As much as Trump is a potty mouthed prick, he's still the President of the US and hold a lot of sway over what happens to the UK. We rely on American oil and gas, tech, security and financial partnerships. We're part of Five Eyes and we share huge amounts of intel with the US.
As tempting as it is to just **** him right off, it would be calamitous for the UK and for Europe. Best to take the pragmatic approach imo and then celebrate when the old orange windbag is gone.
If we got rid of Starmer and replaced him with someoe/anyone else as PM Trump would love us again.
He really can`t stand the man and sees what a wet blanket he is. (i agree with him on this)
He just feels like a modern day Hitler to me. I think we'll all find this out once Putin piles in with Trumps blessing. I don't trust the two of them at all, and Putin has been way too quiet for my liking. Remember, Trump keeps saying the 'US will remember' there's more than one message there.
I'm honestly convinced he would go to war against us and he'd chuck a load of 'invasion' narratives in there are as an excuse to do it.
If he is treating Iran the way he is, just bombing the absolute **** out of everything, means he has no boundaries. I'm not particularly happy with the bombing of Lebanon either, I'm just keeping stum and keeping my nose out what don't concern me, don't mean I have to like it though.