dear mr bob, sir,
i am the director of sport at channel five. i got extremely excited a couple of months ago when i found out that both manchester clubs were effectively demoted from the prestigious champions league to the tin-pot europa thingy that my channel have to settle for broadcasting. unfortunately, neither team have progressed as we'd hoped and now i've spent all our marketing money on advertising the fact that both clubs would compete in it. how do i encourage our loyal band of 3 viewers to carry on watching games such as metalist (its true, they are a real team) versus schalke without blowing the bank (manager... literally... he's always more accommodating after a blow job)?
kind regards,
superman