I found a link to this on a QPR Forum, it's quite amusing and shows Fulham's junior club up in a bad light
EMPLOYERS: Has one of your most valued employees been accused of a criminal offence? Will some of your other key employees be required to come forward as witnesses during the trial? Could this inconvenience your business? Perhaps the trial looks likely to be scheduled for a busy time for your firm. The disruption could be quite severe.
Nothing you can do about it, right? The requirements of the criminal justice system must take precedence over the needs of individuals and businesses, right? So contingency planning for such circumstances is very challenging.
Not so! If one of your people is facing a trial and you'd like to delay the involvement of other team members, simply write a letter to inform the judge that your employees "would not be able to appear as witnesses" until a time more convenient for your business. It really is as simple as that!
Not convinced? Just ask Ron Gourlay, CEO of Chelsea Football Club. A delighted Gourlay explains: "We were facing a nightmare scenario. We had gambled by hiring an unproven coach whose only real achievement was winning the Portuguese league with a team that had won the title six out of the previous seven seasons anyway. The little Portugueezer just doesn't have the respect of the senior players. 'Lamps', 'Drogs' and 'JT' (Captain, Leader, LegendTM) just don't take the mouthy little bog brush seriously. Our league form was shaky and our squad was ageing fast. Then our club Captain (Leader, Legend) manages to get himself accused of racially abusing an opposing player in a heated derby match. So just imagine if our training schedule had been mildly disrupted by a couple of the team having to appear in court for an hour or so! Well, we weren't ****ing having any of that. Training comes first. You can stick that appearing in court bollocks right up your arse. Luckily, District Judge Howard Riddle understood my point when I wrote to inform him that the trial would have to wait until the football season is over. We didn't even have to suggest that some of Roman's ex-KGB mates might have to come round to have a little word! Sweet as a nut!"
"So there you have it," smiled Gourlay. "JT can carry on putting in his professional performances for us. I reckon we're a shoo-in for fourth place and a Champions League qualifier next season. Result! Not only that, he even gets to captain England in the European Championships this summer. Nice one, Judge Riddle. You're on my Christmas card list, mate!"
EMPLOYERS: Has one of your most valued employees been accused of a criminal offence? Will some of your other key employees be required to come forward as witnesses during the trial? Could this inconvenience your business? Perhaps the trial looks likely to be scheduled for a busy time for your firm. The disruption could be quite severe.
Nothing you can do about it, right? The requirements of the criminal justice system must take precedence over the needs of individuals and businesses, right? So contingency planning for such circumstances is very challenging.
Not so! If one of your people is facing a trial and you'd like to delay the involvement of other team members, simply write a letter to inform the judge that your employees "would not be able to appear as witnesses" until a time more convenient for your business. It really is as simple as that!
Not convinced? Just ask Ron Gourlay, CEO of Chelsea Football Club. A delighted Gourlay explains: "We were facing a nightmare scenario. We had gambled by hiring an unproven coach whose only real achievement was winning the Portuguese league with a team that had won the title six out of the previous seven seasons anyway. The little Portugueezer just doesn't have the respect of the senior players. 'Lamps', 'Drogs' and 'JT' (Captain, Leader, LegendTM) just don't take the mouthy little bog brush seriously. Our league form was shaky and our squad was ageing fast. Then our club Captain (Leader, Legend) manages to get himself accused of racially abusing an opposing player in a heated derby match. So just imagine if our training schedule had been mildly disrupted by a couple of the team having to appear in court for an hour or so! Well, we weren't ****ing having any of that. Training comes first. You can stick that appearing in court bollocks right up your arse. Luckily, District Judge Howard Riddle understood my point when I wrote to inform him that the trial would have to wait until the football season is over. We didn't even have to suggest that some of Roman's ex-KGB mates might have to come round to have a little word! Sweet as a nut!"
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"So there you have it," smiled Gourlay. "JT can carry on putting in his professional performances for us. I reckon we're a shoo-in for fourth place and a Champions League qualifier next season. Result! Not only that, he even gets to captain England in the European Championships this summer. Nice one, Judge Riddle. You're on my Christmas card list, mate!"
Ensil, this obsession isn't healthy old chap.