Off Topic Being interviewed by Burnsy
- Thread starter tigermaul
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Weirdly, I could write that one. We owned a fish and chip shop when I was young. One of my jobs was to make the patties.
Carry on tc, I'm gripped. What happens next? Is there salt&vineger? Stasi Child ordered
Here is an excerpt from my novel:
"Groggy from the impact, little Billy struggled back to his feet. The concussion through the ground had left his knees feeling weak, his ears ringing from the deafening roar. As he stumbled to the crest of the hill, his eyes still attempting to readjust to the the darkness, little Billy saw in the basin a brilliant white glow. As clarity returned to his vision, he could vaguely make out the outline of a horse inside that blinding aura, standing deathly still as it studied little Billy wavering at the top of the hill.
All of a sudden, the horse lurched into motion, chargingnup the slope. Little Billy cried out in panic as he sought to flee, but his footing gave way as his pivoting foot slipped in the mud. Billy hit the ground hard, his nose beginning to drop with blood, and rolled over onto his back. As the horse closed in, he could see clearly that this was no horse. The creature was charging at him, its head bowed, and rising sharply from the beasts forehead was an enormous chode, its girth as wide as little Billy's calf.
The beast closed in on Billy, it's nose connecting under his ribs, throwing him off the ground in a tumult of somersaults. As Billy landed face down in the mud once again, the beast reared behind him. Billy heard cloth rip and felt flesh tear, pain exploding from his rectum as the chode penetrated. Agony filling his mind, darkness slowly filling his vision, consciousness began to drift away, the pain subsiding in tandem. Billy briefly felt his bowels release just as darkness darkness consumed him entirely..."
"Groggy from the impact, little Billy struggled back to his feet. The concussion through the ground had left his knees feeling weak, his ears ringing from the deafening roar. As he stumbled to the crest of the hill, his eyes still attempting to readjust to the the darkness, little Billy saw in the basin a brilliant white glow. As clarity returned to his vision, he could vaguely make out the outline of a horse inside that blinding aura, standing deathly still as it studied little Billy wavering at the top of the hill.
All of a sudden, the horse lurched into motion, chargingnup the slope. Little Billy cried out in panic as he sought to flee, but his footing gave way as his pivoting foot slipped in the mud. Billy hit the ground hard, his nose beginning to drop with blood, and rolled over onto his back. As the horse closed in, he could see clearly that this was no horse. The creature was charging at him, its head bowed, and rising sharply from the beasts forehead was an enormous chode, its girth as wide as little Billy's calf.
The beast closed in on Billy, it's nose connecting under his ribs, throwing him off the ground in a tumult of somersaults. As Billy landed face down in the mud once again, the beast reared behind him. Billy heard cloth rip and felt flesh tear, pain exploding from his rectum as the chode penetrated. Agony filling his mind, darkness slowly filling his vision, consciousness began to drift away, the pain subsiding in tandem. Billy briefly felt his bowels release just as darkness darkness consumed him entirely..."
Back in Junior school(aged about 9) I had a crush on my red haired teacher, so much so that I often followed her home. Now to the point. She went ballistic if anyone said or wrote 'all of a sudden'. "There is no such thing as a' sudden' she would plead. Say and write suddenly".
Apart from that your excerpt shows promise.
"All of a suddenly" doesn't sound right.
Thank you.
I've aimed for originality. Near most things have been done but to my knowledge there has never been a novel about dickheaded unicorns ****ing people in the arse.
Is your novel an allegory? Are the unicorns really the Allams and the people getting ****ed in the arse, the City fans?
Hi Tigercity. Yes Quais du Polar in Lyon is where I'll be. Very much looking forward to it, especially as only a handful of UK authors get invited (including Val McDermid this year). I've decided against taking my 1972 Wartburg estate which I've converted into a Volkspolizei squad car! If you're going to be there, would be good to say hello. The French publishers are providing a translator - but many thanks for the offer!
Congratulations. A very fine achievement . Just a couple of questions....Who's your publisher ? Have you gone down the Self-publication route? ...Reason I ask is that my debut novel will (hopefully) be published in the summer by a small publisher.
My wife who reads about 2-3 books a week and loves spy tales, has just put in a request for Stazi Child and Stazi Wolf from our local library. Stazi Wolf is available today with a 3 people queue for S.Child.
I read 1 book /year so will read whichever one of the 2 my wife recommends.
It's published by Bonnier Zaffre, the British fiction arm of big Swedish publishers Bonnier, which was established last year.
I did self-publish ( as in properly self-publish, doing typesetting, paying for an editor, cold calling book shops etc etc) a novel set on the Isle of Wight about 15 years ago. But it was a hard slog before the days of Amazon Kindle, and although the 1000-copy print run was a sell-out, I only broke even.
Beware of vanity publishers where you pay to get your book out there. But proper small presses can be very good (where you might get a minimal advance but shouldn't be paying out yourself and should still be getting an editor, proof-reader etc), so good luck with yours!
It's very easy these days to publish your own novel yourself on Kindle etc. it's a lot harder to make sure it's not littered with typos, plot inconsistencies, etc. And with so many books being published, it's very hard to break through and make a mark. With a traditional publisher, they will look after PR, push to get it into Smiths and supermarkets etc etc. Even after all that, most novels fail to earn back their advance. I've just struck lucky!
If you want any more info, feel free to PM me.
Cheers! Aren't you in the U.S. or Canada though? Stasi Wolf shouldn't be available there at all - the publishers are trying to sell the rights! And Stasi Child doesn't come out till August across the pond ...
And I was born in the field just behind.Hey I was born on the same Street. A claim to fame at bloody last..
Am in a Commonwealth country which has unsuccessfully in the recent past had a vote on becoming a Republic. Clue is the Blue Mountains.