Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2
- Thread starter Resurgam
- Start date
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Probably a re-hash of an oldie but a particularly relevant version 
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
Rehash is right. Version I heard it was a schoolgirl, Billy Graham, Senator McCain and some female tv celebrity, plus Trump and they had four paras.
My wife says he's leaving me because I don't take anything seriously.
Lol
Lol
BAD JOKE ALERT!!!!!!!
You won't find that in a Christmas cracker!
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You won't find that in a Christmas cracker!
I will be using some of these jokes elsewhere
No credit will be given
Thanks
No credit will be given
Thanks
A friend of mine has two tickets for the Formula 1 final race of the season the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, at the Yas Marina circuit on the weekend of the 25th - 27th November. They are box seats and include flights, hospitality, and hotel accommodation. He didn't realise when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding .
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Johns Church, Worcester at 2.15pm on the 26th.
Her name is Janet. She’ll be the one in the white dress.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Johns Church, Worcester at 2.15pm on the 26th.
Her name is Janet. She’ll be the one in the white dress.
I'm already fed up with all this Christmas stuff going on.
You slog your guts out all year working to buy all those expensive presents for your kids and that fat old bugger with the whiskers gets all the credit.
I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.
You slog your guts out all year working to buy all those expensive presents for your kids and that fat old bugger with the whiskers gets all the credit.
I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.
Two old gents chatting:
Bill: I'm full of aches and pains, how do you feel?
Albert: Like a new born baby..... got no hair, no teeth and I've just sh*t myself!
Bill: I'm full of aches and pains, how do you feel?
Albert: Like a new born baby..... got no hair, no teeth and I've just sh*t myself!
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her: "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
HIM: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
HER: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
HIM: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
HER: "No way. It's just too risky!"
HIM: "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
HER: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
HIM: "Oh, yes you can. Please?"
HER: "No, no. I just can't"
HIM: "I'm begging you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for Goodness sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
HIM: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
HER: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
HIM: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
HER: "No way. It's just too risky!"
HIM: "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
HER: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
HIM: "Oh, yes you can. Please?"
HER: "No, no. I just can't"
HIM: "I'm begging you..."
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for Goodness sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."