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Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2

Discussion in 'Norwich City' started by Resurgam, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. Hairy Mary Quite Canary

    Hairy Mary Quite Canary Well-Known Member

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  2. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member
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    Probably a re-hash of an oldie but a particularly relevant version <ok>

    An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
    The 1st passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
    The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
    The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
    The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."
     
    #1142
  3. goldeneadie

    goldeneadie Well-Known Member

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    Rehash is right. Version I heard it was a schoolgirl, Billy Graham, Senator McCain and some female tv celebrity, plus Trump and they had four paras.
     
    #1143
  4. ncgandy

    ncgandy Well-Known Member

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    My wife says he's leaving me because I don't take anything seriously.

    Lol
     
    #1144
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  5. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    I'm okay with the shyte in my life, the problems start when I run out of toilet paper!!
     
    #1145
  6. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    BAD JOKE ALERT!!!!!!!

    please log in to view this image


    You won't find that in a Christmas cracker! <laugh>
     
    #1146
  7. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    Bad joke of the week.....ALEX NEIL! :headbang: :mad::mad::mad:
     
    #1147
  8. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    That's NOT funny! <grr>
     
    #1148
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  9. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1149
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  10. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    That is revolting on so many levels!
     
    #1150

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I will be using some of these jokes elsewhere
    No credit will be given
    Thanks
     
    #1151
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I will like some though
     
    #1152
  13. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    Long time no see my friend. I hope you're keeping well! <cheers>
     
    #1153
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  14. Wherever

    Wherever Well-Known Member

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    Caught out kiwi
     
    #1154
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  15. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    A friend of mine has two tickets for the Formula 1 final race of the season the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, at the Yas Marina circuit on the weekend of the 25th - 27th November. They are box seats and include flights, hospitality, and hotel accommodation. He didn't realise when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding .


    If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Johns Church, Worcester at 2.15pm on the 26th.

    Her name is Janet. She’ll be the one in the white dress.
     
    #1155
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  16. wi-exile

    wi-exile Active Member

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    I'm already fed up with all this Christmas stuff going on.

    You slog your guts out all year working to buy all those expensive presents for your kids and that fat old bugger with the whiskers gets all the credit.

    I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.
     
    #1156
  17. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image


    If only <whistle>
     
    #1157
  18. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

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    Two old gents chatting:
    Bill: I'm full of aches and pains, how do you feel?
    Albert: Like a new born baby..... got no hair, no teeth and I've just sh*t myself!
     
    #1158
  19. wi-exile

    wi-exile Active Member

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    What's the difference between British girls and Iranian girls?





    British girls get stoned before sex.
     
    #1159
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her: "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"

    Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
    HIM: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
    HER: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
    HIM: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
    HER: "No way. It's just too risky!"
    HIM: "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
    HER: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
    HIM: "Oh, yes you can. Please?"
    HER: "No, no. I just can't"
    HIM: "I'm begging you..."

    Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for Goodness sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."
     
    #1160
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