Bad joke thread .... Volume 1
- Thread starter Minxy
- Start date
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My mate just said, "What's your favorite mythical creature?"
I said, "Those happy women in tampax adverts."
It’s a real shame that Barrack Obama recently had to give a speech stood behind bullet proof glass. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s gonna shoot anybody.
Just got a really big response to my advert on the internet saying ‘Wife wanted’. In about 2hrs I had over 300 emails saying ‘you can have mine’.
Here is two interesting facts about me!
1) my knob is the same lenth as 2 argos pens!
2)im barred from argos
What did the left arse cheek tell the right one..?
If we stick together, we can stop this ****.
What did the saggy titty say to the other saggy titty?
Lets get support before other people think we are nutts.
Chinese man rings boss “me no work I sick” boss says “when im sick I f*ck my wife try that” 2 hours later chinese man rings back “me better, you got nice house
I said, "Those happy women in tampax adverts."
It’s a real shame that Barrack Obama recently had to give a speech stood behind bullet proof glass. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s gonna shoot anybody.
Just got a really big response to my advert on the internet saying ‘Wife wanted’. In about 2hrs I had over 300 emails saying ‘you can have mine’.
Here is two interesting facts about me!
1) my knob is the same lenth as 2 argos pens!
2)im barred from argos
What did the left arse cheek tell the right one..?
If we stick together, we can stop this ****.
What did the saggy titty say to the other saggy titty?
Lets get support before other people think we are nutts.
Chinese man rings boss “me no work I sick” boss says “when im sick I f*ck my wife try that” 2 hours later chinese man rings back “me better, you got nice house
.
Q:What do you call a deer with one eye?
A: No idea
Q: What do you a a deer with one eye and no legs?
A: Still no idea
Q: What do you call a castrated deer with one eye and no legs?
A: Still no ****ing idea.
A: No idea
Q: What do you a a deer with one eye and no legs?
A: Still no idea
Q: What do you call a castrated deer with one eye and no legs?
A: Still no ****ing idea.
A recent survey across the UK asked the general public.
"Do you think Britain has too many immigrants?"
10% said: Yes!
90% said: هِجَائِي
"Do you think Britain has too many immigrants?"
10% said: Yes!
90% said: هِجَائِي
Husband: Honey, i have a problem at work.
Wife: Never say "I" but "WE", We're one now.
Husband: Ok honey, our secretary is pregnant for us.
I was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife."
You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
I went to the local nurse with this severe rash on my balls. She had a good look and said "You're going to have to stop ****ing." I said "Why?" She replied "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Kevin-Prince Boateng has kicked a ball at a section of the AC Milan crowd because they were racially abusing him.
It's a good job Robin Van Persie wasn't in the crowd, he could have been killed.
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.....
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Wife: Never say "I" but "WE", We're one now.
Husband: Ok honey, our secretary is pregnant for us.
I was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife."
You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
I went to the local nurse with this severe rash on my balls. She had a good look and said "You're going to have to stop ****ing." I said "Why?" She replied "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Kevin-Prince Boateng has kicked a ball at a section of the AC Milan crowd because they were racially abusing him.
It's a good job Robin Van Persie wasn't in the crowd, he could have been killed.
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.....
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
brisbane-lion
Well-Known Member
Old **** walking home from a party and feeling a bit randy, sees a wineo lying face down on a park bench. "allo" he thinks, "in with a chance here" and gives the wine-o a portion. After he's done he leaves the tramp a couple of bucks. In the morning the tramp finds the two dollars and goes off to the bottle-shop to buy some cheap wine, probably Porphrey Pearl (local joke, but don't laugh yet, its not the punch line). Following week, same scenario, quick back stab, two bucks, cheap wine. This goes on for a bit then one week, near Christmas, the **** decides to leave the wine-o a twenty. Wow! When the tramp wakes up and finds the money, he's off to the bottle-o straight away. "Give me a bottle of good wine, my man" he says to the guy behind the counter. "But don't you usually drink plonk?" "Yes, but it doesn't half make my arse sore".
Old **** walking home from a party and feeling a bit randy, sees a wineo lying face down on a park bench. "allo" he thinks, "in with a chance here" and gives the wine-o a portion. After he's done he leaves the tramp a couple of bucks. In the morning the tramp finds the two dollars and goes off to the bottle-shop to buy some cheap wine, probably Porphrey Pearl (local joke, but don't laugh yet, its not the punch line). Following week, same scenario, quick back stab, two bucks, cheap wine. This goes on for a bit then one week, near Christmas, the **** decides to leave the wine-o a twenty. Wow! When the tramp wakes up and finds the money, he's off to the bottle-o straight away. "Give me a bottle of good wine, my man" he says to the guy behind the counter. "But don't you usually drink plonk?" "Yes, but it doesn't half make my arse sore".
give him the Lawnmower 
thank you
.... now Im ready to pounce
.... who should get it first ?
Do you think Brisbane lion deserves the first ever award ?
.... now Im ready to pounce
.... who should get it first ?
Do you think Brisbane lion deserves the first ever award ?