Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

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The dog ran off last night, so there I was walking round the park calling his name for 20 minutes but I couldn't find him.
My wife said I should look harder.
So I shaved my head and got a tattoo.
But I still can't find the ****ing dog!
 
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DMD said:
A new bloke has just started at work and he showed me a picture of his wife saying "She's beautiful isn't she".

I said "if you think she's beautiful, you should see my Mrs."

"Is she a stunner?" he asked.

I said, "no, she's an optician".
Click to expand...
DMD said:
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she’s an optician!"
Click to expand...
It's Déjà vu all over again.
 
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