Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

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  1. Top ten dad jokes
    1 Elevators terrify me... I'm taking steps to avoid them.
  2. I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards', and I thought... 'That's just spam...'
  3. What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.
  4. Me and my friends put a band together, we named it 999 megabytes. Still don't have a gig though.
  5. I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
  6. I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda. It was a Fanta Sea.
  7. Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.
  8. In college I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life.
  9. I went to the Doctor with hearing problems. He said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said: 'Homer's a fat dude and Marge has blue hair.'
  10. I said to my wife: 'When I die I'd like to die having sex.' She replied: 'At least it'll be quick.'
  11. I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint. Clint Eatswood.
  12. So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.
  13. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles.
  14. 'Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?' No sun.
  15. I figured out why Teslas are so expensive. It's because they charge a lot.
  16. Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.
  17. My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.
  18. Did you hear about the new Origami Porn channel? It's paper view only.
  19. I was really angry when I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary. I said, 'Mark, my words!'
  20. I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
 
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rovertiger said:
A woman I was with was gagging for it. <whistle>
Click to expand...

Reminds me of a joke.

A man is visiting his wife who is in hospital in a long term Coma.

The nurse and a Dr pulls him to one side and tell him they've had a break through. They explained that while they were washing between her legs she moved a little and mad a small moaning sound. The Dr suggests they give him and his wife a little privacy and he tries oral sex with her to see if it simulates her out of the coma.

He readily agrees and they leave the room. 2 minutes later all the alarms go off on the monitors and they come rushing back in. what happened ask the Dr?

"I don't know" says the husband " I just got going and she started gagging and choking!!"
 
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