Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

Cry baby Jim Breaks arrested in Gran Canaria for murder.

 

Got some great responses on Reddit Ireland (picked out a few below), the reality lies in the last one.



I'm no Magnum PI or Miami Five-O or anything, but I've got some kind of an inkling that this "anonymous" source may be a chap by the name of Tom McEldroon who owns a house in Portsalon.

Please stop speculating, we need to wait for a solid source to confirm this


I read irate short stayers and thought leprechauns.

His anonymity is secure. All his friends know him as Tommy.



ALAS:


This article appears on a page of the Letterkenny Leader called "News Sham." It's a joke.

 

Nicked off the sunland board

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

 

Ought to have left it where it was...

 

Why is it when you want to bid for something on E Bay and its collection only (grass cutter) its always at the other end of the bloody country from Hull...

 

I searched for a cigarette lighter and got 15,000 matches.

 

3 guys are walking through the woods, when they find a lamp.

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.



It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars."

****, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,000

The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive."

****, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.

The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life."

****, his arm starts rotating.



The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.

First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth."

****, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.

Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want."

****, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.

Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die."

****, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.



The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.

First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die."

****, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.

Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever."

****, he looks younger already.

Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth."

****, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.



The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.

Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.

First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."

Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."

Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I ****ed up."

 

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Sign her up Ehab

 

And now for yet another rant .................

I'm not a dog hater but I do hate those contraptions that a lot of dog owners seem to have these days. It allows the dog to wander off about 10/15ft away from the owner as it is tethered on some kind of string/cord which in turn is held by the owner. I have walked down footpaths when an owner has been coming in the oposite direction and the dog is sniffing away at some lampost or something and as you approach the owner looks at you as though expecting you to jump over the string/cord. And when I try to be as civil as possible, like do you mind moving the dog leash?, I am looked at as though I have commetted a crime or am about to ask to borrow some money. They are everywhere with these contraptions now and I am tempted to carry a pair of scissors so that I can cut the lead and declare, 'this right of way is now open' but of course I would get find for having an offensive weapon, whereas if I fell over the leash then what (besides the fact that I fall flat on my face)?

 

Wtf is that abomination?

 

Compare and contrast.

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It'll be the Allams

 

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Learn to skip