Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

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Baldrick's Cunning Plan said:
A man is alone in an airport lounge.

A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she’s wearing a uniform, she’s probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto, “To fly, to serve?” The young woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto. “Winning the hearts of the world?” Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred he tries again this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto. “Going beyond expectations?” The woman looks at him sternly and says, “What the **** do you want?”

“Aha”, he says,… “American Airlines.”
Click to expand...

sounds about right for the attendants on American Airlines
 
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The new Edwina Scissorhands looks ****.

I wonder if she's been warned about running in class with them?

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A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.”

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” he replied.

“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted

“And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don't stop.”
 
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A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically.

The pharmacist thinks this is weird but there are no laws preventing weird people from buying condoms.

Who knows, maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly.

This piques the interest of the pharmacist.

What could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, “If that guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.”

Sure enough, the next day the same man is back.

He buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves.

The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store

“Did you follow him? Where did he go?” asks the pharmacist.

The clerk replies, “Your house.”
 
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