Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Cue the old suppository joke . . . .

Doctor - "Take two a day and come back in a week."
Doctor the next week - "Any improvement ?"
Patient - "For all the good that they did, I might as well have stuck them up my arse !"

I’m passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on TV said that to have inner peace in our lives, we should always finish things that we start, because we could all do with more calm in our lives.
I looked around my house to find things that I’d started & hadn’t finished, so I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a boddle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum that u luvum.

The best part of starting a new job is that all four of your grandparents are alive again

A man is pulled over by a policeman, who approaches the drivers door.
"Is there a problem, Officer ?"
The policeman says "Sir, you were speeding . . . . can I see your licence, please ?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."
"You don't have one ?"
The man responds "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see . . . . can I see your vehicle registration papers please ?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not ?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says "Stole it ?"
The man says "Yes . . . . and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what ?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars arrive, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please."
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, officer ?"
"One of my officers told me that you've stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner ?"
The officer responds, "Yes . . . . can you open the boot of your car, please ?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says "Is this your car, sir ?"
The man says "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence, looking quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me that you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies "The lying bastard probably told you that I was speeding, too !"

Don't watch if you're easily, err, thingied

Row 3 said:

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They’d still miss the space