A man had just boarded and settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black labrador in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.' The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the policeman said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to 'Search'. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm. The policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana. I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.' 'Wow, that's pretty impressive,' replied the first man. Once again, the policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. Immeidately the dog sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the policeman's arm. The policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for Customs.' 'That's fantastic!' said his seat-mate. The policeman then told Sniffer to 'Search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to sh:t all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that so he asked the policeman, 'What's The hell's going on?' The policeman nervously replied, 'He's found a bomb.'
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview."Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" she asked. "For about 60 years.""60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims." "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop." "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man." "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests." And finally "I pray that everyone will be happy". "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a ****ing brick wall!"
I well remember an elderly great aunt of mine and my grandmother, vehemently indignant about the "shocking" nature of my friend's punk hair. As I pointed out that they sat there criticising, with pink and blue hair respectively, and in my opinion their hair was 'shocking', the cogs jammed and smoke came from their ears - didn't I understand that Charlie's blue and yellow hair was totally different from their respectable pink and blue rinses??
The anti-Independence group 'Scotland in Union' just released their merchandise - and failed to notice the possibly costly gaffe...
