Three New York surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in New York state. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;I reattached them, and 8 months laterhe performed a private concert for the Queen of England.” The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;I reattached them, and 2 years laterhe won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics.” The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuanaand he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together, and now he's running for President of our country.”
Out of my league to make something like that up! It was in my email inbox this morning. With over 1,100 posts on here now it's inevitable the odd duplicate will surface
A young man wanted to purchase a Xmas gift for his new girlfriend and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his girlfriend’s younger sister, he went to John Lewis and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of knickers for herself. During the wrapping, however, the assistant mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the girlfriend got the knickers. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!" All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing!!!!
An ipswich fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Ipswich- The Glory Years". He goes into the shop and asks how much for the Video..?? "£100" says the shopkeeper. "Jeez..! That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear..??" "Well its a Tenner for the Video and £90 for the Betamax Recorder..!!
Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Jack’s mates are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! “Wow, Jack, how long have you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?” “Well, I’ve been here since last night!! Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, ‘Guess who?” I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie. She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey……On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, “Do whatever you want.” So… here I am!
Was in a pub the other night , and this German only bought one mug of beer all night . Tight git , I think his name was Einstein ........
