A young woman went for a quality control post with a firm that makes dolls that laughed when they were tickled. She got the job and duly started. About an hour later, the line supervisor noticed that there was a bit of a backlog of dolls coming off the production line and went to see management. The manager came down to see what was causing the hold up and found the new recruit with some squares of material and a bag of marbles and he slowly but carefully explained to the new recruit that she was supposed to give each doll two 'TEST TICKLES!!!'
The wife said pass the lip balm, I mistook it for a tube of super glue ....she's still not talking to me!!
Amusing from the Suffolk Gazette, who love to have a little pop at all things Norfolk at every opportunity. I love the closing sentence http://www.suffolkgazette.com/news/framlingham-castle-queen/# edit-and some people clearly take it all seriously David Milligan @DavidMilligan11 Are you kidding me? I helped pay for this? Not happy. Doesn't she have enough dosh of her own to pay for a...
A nun, badly needing to use the toilet, walked into a local pub.. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the toilet?" The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the pub. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the toilet?" "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?" "But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on the statue, the lights go out.
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days." "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???" The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request???" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse. Alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says, "Listen Very Carefully!!!! FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID... 'BRING POSSE'"
I just got asked the time by a British Gas repair man. So I told the bastard it was between 8am and 1pm!
A glance over the shoulder, a flick of the hair and a lick of the lips can be the sexiest thing in the world. But according to my doctor, it's not appropriate during a rectal examination.
Edward was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry etc. but Edward was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. 'My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.' The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Edward aside to ask him if that was really true. 'No' said Edward, 'He plays football for England, but I was just too embarrassed to say'.
I took the shell off my pet snail to see if it would make him any faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
I had a pillow fight with a friend last night . There were feathers everywhere !!! Mind you , my friend is a Swan .......
