You missed a couple of his attributes out of that list mate.
Namely pathological liar and cock
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Namely pathological liar and cock
H
Hoddle is a god
Guest
Yeah, that's what the "offer in principle," sat on my desk in front of me, says. "Sorry we cannot offer you any finance because you took a pasting off a bunch of know-it-all muppets on a football forum!"
Oh, no... wait a minute! What it actually says is "Subject to the valuation coming in at £x, we will lend you £y."
But, then again, they've only lent about half a billion quid so far, this year, on building projects, so what the hell do they know? Bunch of muppets, eh!
Oh, no... wait a minute! What it actually says is "Subject to the valuation coming in at £x, we will lend you £y."
But, then again, they've only lent about half a billion quid so far, this year, on building projects, so what the hell do they know? Bunch of muppets, eh!
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Hoddle is a god
Guest
Wow! I've really touched a ragged nerve somewhere inside your damaged psyhe, haven't I, Tobes!
Oh right so the meeting you had today resulted in an in principle commercial loan being agreed without it even making it to the underwriters?
Well, I have looked at the finance offer that we've received today, and provided the valuation stacks up, we're in business.
I would add, not that I have to, that my business partner has done several of these pub conversions over the past 20 years, one of them in the same road as the current one, in fact, not that long ago. He's also converted a couple of other commercial buildings to residential within the same vicinity. He knows his stuff, for which he has been highly commended in the past.
I don't know what planet the rest of your so-called "experts" live on, but I'm certainly glad I'm not in business with them!
By the way, Pieguts, our various schedules have been vetted by a very experienced QS in a National firm, and he has given them the thumbs up. He'll probably get the job of monitoring surveyor on the project, as he will definitely be on the lender's panel. The lender, itself, is very experienced in lending on construction projects, and their credit committee has offered us terms in principle, which they would not have done if our figures didn't stack up. I don't know who your "chartered civil engineer" mate is, but he clearly knows nothing about the type of project that we are building out. Either that, or he is thinking about a completely different type of project and factoring in costs and charges that simply will not apply to our project.
We're going to hold off accepting the terms that have been offered (we have 14 days from today to decide), since there is another financier interested in offering terms. We could have a little "beauty parade" on our hands, which might give us some lee-way, if the valuation comes in slightly under what we need it at.
That's really how it works is it?
Strange that, as I've got a £500k funding agreement sat on my desk, that I agreed the terms on with the lenders regional director, but it took nearly 3 weeks to get it through the underwriters who came back with an agreement in principle subject to a directors personal guarantee.
Yours got sorted over a cuppa this afternoon.
Pardon me if I call bullshit.
I bet when HIAG thought he'd "impress" a few people yesterday by claiming to be a property developer that he didn't envisage having to spend the next 24 hours creating a whole property development world including a cast of consultants, financiers and Cornishmen who could back up his claim to being the lowest cost / highest margin developer in the UK!
My favourite part was him not knowing how to calculate return on costs.
My favourite part was him not knowing how to calculate return on costs.
You don't have HIAG's contacts or track record. The Cornishman has won awards for his work you know.
... you need to shop around.. The Bank Of Cornwall are doing some unbelievable offers .. literally...
The only build costs you are going to have HIAG, is filling in the ****ing great hole you're digging for yourself.
But he can fill that hole cheaper than anyone else can. He's got a certificate.
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Hoddle is a god
Guest
I cannot help it if you are crap at what you do, Tobes. You'd have been long sacked, if you worked for me.
You have no idea just how good my contacts are, or how effective I am at putting deals together, or how persuasive are my powers of negotiation.
And, no, it hasn't just happened! I made the initial approach about 10 days ago.
No personal guarantees, either, on this. The money is being lent to an SPV. The model that the financier is using is one that it has already lent a colossal sum of finance on, over hundreds of deals, nationally. I'm fairly confident that they know what they're doing.
But, perhaps, you're getting some idea why my builder partner wants me in on his deals.
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... I sincerely doubt Rupert can carry the amount of Savlon that will be required to ease the stinging ...
You work at an amazing pace HIAG
Yesterday you said that your (now Cornish) builder offered you an equity stake in this deal in return for your low end convayencing services. This man was offering you a 'toe in the water' into the world of property development. He obviously liked you as (stop laughing at the back) he agreed to swap a 50% equity stake in his latest project for services that were probably a few grands worth.
Fast forward 24 hrs and this project is one of seemingly many that form part of your portfolio
Now that's what I call rapid growth
Who owns the SPV and what are its assets?
You said you were having a meeting with your financier today, to run through the numbers. If you put the deal to them 10 days ago then the meeting was moot, as they'd have surely just e-mailed you the acceptance and conditions?
As for your supposed persuasive negotiation powers, that really impresses bank under writers
What a clown
H
Hoddle is a god
Guest
I know you are desperately trying to get a toe-hold into some kind of intrigue, Tobes, but give up, mate. You will only make yourself look a bigger fool than you already do.
It's no business of yours (or anyone else) how I got involved in this particular deal, or what other deals I have been involved with in the past, or with what other individuals or organisations.
The fact that you think the "conveyancing fees" on this project are "low end" tells me that you are a complete muppet and know absolutely nothing about property development. I haven't "bought" an "equity stake" in this project with my conveyancing fees, this is my project. I found it, and it now looks like I have secured the funding (subject only to the valuation, which I already know is going to come in above the level required).
I'm sorry that it pains you to think that I (someone you don't know, and are never likely to know) am going to make a success of something that you wouldn't even have a clue about being able to get off the ground, but that is the way things go, Tobes.
It's no business of yours (or anyone else) how I got involved in this particular deal, or what other deals I have been involved with in the past, or with what other individuals or organisations.
The fact that you think the "conveyancing fees" on this project are "low end" tells me that you are a complete muppet and know absolutely nothing about property development. I haven't "bought" an "equity stake" in this project with my conveyancing fees, this is my project. I found it, and it now looks like I have secured the funding (subject only to the valuation, which I already know is going to come in above the level required).
I'm sorry that it pains you to think that I (someone you don't know, and are never likely to know) am going to make a success of something that you wouldn't even have a clue about being able to get off the ground, but that is the way things go, Tobes.
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Let's not forget that after saying that the builder (Cornish) had invited HIAG in on the deal, HIAG then said it was his deal as he had pulled it together and chose to do it with the builder (Cornish).
As I've said before, the plot line has severe continuity issues. The characters are taking shape though.
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Hoddle is a god
Guest
What has that got to do with you?
The fact that you are asking that question tells me that you haven't got the first idea about how construction deals are put together.
The SPV is a clean, off the shelf company. That is a pre-requisite of the lender. It will hold no assets other than the one that the lender is about to invest in.
Again, what has this got to do with you? Why are you so concerned about it?
I didn't say I have "a meeting" with the lender today, or at any other time. I have never met the lender, nor am I likely to. The deal really isn't that big to them.
What meeting? You clearly have no idea about what you are prattling on about.
Yes, I have been emailed, this very evening, with an "offer in principle" that sets out the heads of terms.
So what? That is what generally happens with this type of finance. Again, I ask, what concern is any of this to you?
As for your supposed persuasive negotiation powers, that really impresses bank under writers
Well, I can utterly assure you that your dickhead smug dismissive pessimism certainly wouldn't impress them, which is why you are still sat with a loan propossal in one hand and your cock in the other, and I have an in principle offer inside 10 days, including the Easter Bank Holiday.
Yes, you are, Tobes.
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Hoddle is a god
Guest
Desperate windmilling, Stan!
I told you that the deal came to me via contacts.
But let's run with your scenario. Right. So what?
See, this is what estate agents do; they dick about waiting for their pay-cheque to come, and the real money is earned whilst they fiddle with their cocks.
Go revisit post [HASHTAG]#753[/HASHTAG], the one where you said you were investing your fees in the project to 'wet your feet' and stood to risk **** all but make a 10 fold return on your original fees.
You bullshitting gobshite