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HIAG's Cornish builder has just fired over a scale model to impress their funders in todays meeting

Great news, he's managed to squeeze down the build costs to 72p per square foot. <ok>

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Do you want to hear some real gutting news, lads?

I've just been offered terms on the development project, subject to valuation, by a major financier.

But, hey! What the fcuk do I know about development compared with you muppets?
<laugh>
 
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Hoddle Is A God said:
Do you want to hear some real gutting news, lads?

I've just been offered terms on the development project, subject to valuation, by a major financier.

But, hey! What the fcuk do I know about development compared with you muppets?
<laugh>
Click to expand...
... must be quite a big allotment? .. purely veg or will you mix in some fruit? ..suspect I already know the answer... :)
 
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It's a pub, Bambi. Well, it used to be a pub, it's been closed for about a year.
 
Stan's been trying to convince everyone that I don't know what I'm talking about, but then I uncovered him as an estate agent, which has rather destroyed his credibility. That hasn't stopped Tobes getting over-excited, though. He's been like a young bull elephant for the past 24 hours, trying to hump everything in sight but not really quite understanding what he's doing or what it's all about. Me and my partner have been pissing ourselves laughing.
 
you should come back over the the mouser thread where people actually humour your delusions Haig :D
 
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Hoddle Is A God said:
Stan's been trying to convince everyone that I don't know what I'm talking about, but then I uncovered him as an estate agent, which has rather destroyed his credibility. That hasn't stopped Tobes getting over-excited, though. He's been like a young bull elephant for the past 24 hours, trying to hump everything in sight but not really quite understanding what he's doing or what it's all about. Me and my partner have been pissing ourselves laughing.
Click to expand...
... in fairness to Stan, he really didn't need to do that... :)
 
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Hoddle Is A God said:
Stan's been trying to convince everyone that I don't know what I'm talking about, but then I uncovered him as an estate agent, which has rather destroyed his credibility. That hasn't stopped Tobes getting over-excited, though. He's been like a young bull elephant for the past 24 hours, trying to hump everything in sight but not really quite understanding what he's doing or what it's all about. Me and my partner have been pissing ourselves laughing.
Click to expand...
e-pissing yourselves laughing as the laughing was done over email.

I've just bought 4 acres in Mayfair for £50 and have got planning consent inside an hour. My excellent relationship with the planning committee meant I didn't have to go through a formal application. My builder, who is a rather gruff Scotsman called Maurice, has agreed to build the 242 unit luxury apartment scheme for only £65psf as he heard that that was now the going rate.

Hang on, I've just had an email from a contact in Singapore, where I am revered like a God, and they have agreed to forward fund the entire scheme so I can take my £50 land purchase out of the deal and all development costs are now covered. Basically I'm doing this development at no risk to myself.

I stand to make a fortune.

If anyone queries the validity of this tall tale I will spend the next 50 pages making stuff up and batting away all bits of factual information to prove that I am in fact right. If that fails then I'll get Maurice to laugh at everybody.
 
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