Off Topic Stans Rat

I know a pest control man who gets £200 a night to sit in farmers grain barns shooting rats! Then he lines them up to show the farmer the next day!

 

My dream job if only it paid better!

 

Or a "bungalow" as they are more commonly referred to

 

Yeah you'd think the farmer could get his wife to stay up all night shooting them the lazy cow!

 

Cool. My mate lives in a bungalow on the 12th floor.

 

**** you OLM, **** you.

That's just tooooo easy man, too easy!

 

Is your mate a "Borrower"? Or as some call them, "Pikey"?

 

Not that I know of. Corpo gave him it. He'd been to the Dr due to depression about his living conditions, so the Doc gave him a letter saying he needed a lift.

 

Apparently, according to the Sun, we'll be invaded by massive rats who are immune to the normal pest control measures.

 

Update @ 22.24: One caught rat, in old Frank's snare. I got a spade and boffed its lights out.

 

Kinell. You gnarly old bugger!

What you done with the corpse?

 

Left it until daylight.

(Country tip: if it gets eaten/dragged away, it's likely another bastard.)

 

I shooed a fly out of a window once.

 

A while ago I tried to swat a fly with a tea towel, hit the kitchen light and tripped the entire flat's electrics.

 

I once attempted to swat a moth that was persistently buzzing against my 'Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine'poster one balmy summers night.

Back in '93 it was when I was in the Army.

I recall getting up in a vexed state and aggressively trying to hit the moth with a shoe, it had been winding me up for some time.

To cut a long story short I ended up stood on my bed, swinging my arms around like I was playing imaginary swing ball with Ivan Lendl whilst said moth dive bombed my head with a vigour that could only be admired.

He was a fearless opponent and one I still have utmost respect for, even to this day.

Last thing I remember is one last desperate swing to rid the red eyed demon from my room and it all went an inky black.

Woke up the next day covered in blood with an inch cut over my left eye.

No sign of the moth, I hope I missed him with my final lunge and that upon seeing me sparked out he flew out of the window with a wry smile, safe in the knowledge he was victorious.

He deserved that much, he really did.

We may meet again one day.

Who knows?

 

Are you still doing prophecies? Will we stay up?

 

I always wondered how to spell shoo (I'm using your approach). T'is a cracking word.

 

Carmy, how's the White Isle?

You giving it large and getting mullered every night in da club, as the kids say?

Can't wait to hear if the rat corpse has gone from Stans, coulda turned into a zombie rat.

I miss Walking Dead

 

Nah, you see ALL women are descended, and DNA does NOT lie, from a 4 million year old person (called 'Lucy' by the archeologists who found her) but who's Latin name is Dunemus Rodentus.
Dunemus-Dunny-Outside Toilet- Sh i thouse/Rodentus-Rodent-Rat in other words a Sh i thouse Rat. This would be like shooting themselves.
Us blokes, on the other hand, are descended (again DNA does NOT lie) from the Chookasaurus Pock-pock - better know these days as a Chicken. That is why we are so sh i t scared of our wives and/or girlfriends.
Dare you to tell your Missus where she came from! (Didn't think so).

 

Update for ya, Happs:

Ratty corpse still there - Frank's going to shift it and reset the snare; I got a mouse in the trap in my greenhouse. Good night's haul.