Saints & Spinners Channon and Tiss join this week's guests for an impromptu rendition of 'The Twelve Days Of Christmas'.
The Really Wild Snow - Guests are invited to play practical jokes on John Snow such as making his swingometer look like a penis and his battlefield armies into munchkins until he embarks on a Tourette's infused assault on a panel of z-listers.
Panorama - Harry Kane, Princess Beatrice and H from Steps try to get the panorama photo feature on their smart phones to work. David Hockney judges the results. World Inaction - a real time documentary as Rob Green decides how to kick the ball out, ultimately settling on doing it the same as last time. Made for Norwegian public TV. Crimewatch - a bunch of people stand around filming a crime being commited on their smartphones, egging the perpetrator on. Little do they know, it their ticket to enter Wheel of Misfortune!
Ripping Yarns Lance Armstrong gets as close to the Tour De France as allowed, as he visits a cardigan and sweater recycling plant in Amiens. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen John Terry, Ashley Cole, Ryan Shawcross and Joseph Barton defy public opinion and behave properly on and of the pitch. Flash Gordon Scotland manager Gordon Strachan buys rounds in Edinburgh pubs. When Harry Met Sally Harry Redknapp spends some time at a Salvation Army hostel in Bournemouth Terry and Joan The Chelsea Captain shares a sofa with TVs Joan Bakewell to disscuss moral issues. Romancing The Stone No Prince Harry lookalikes here - this time the girls are vying for the ACTUAL Charlie Watts! The Shawcross Redemption The Stoke player chats to the unemployed as they cash their giro.
The Thick of It - John Terry discusses the issues of the day with Shaun Wright Phillips. CBeebies only. A Place in the Sun - crack squads of highly trained British and German tourists battle for the best spots by the pool in Magaluf. Both winners and losers get to drink themselves senseless and contract an STD. YouTube only. House of Cards - Kevin McCloud, Phil Spencer, Kirsty Allsop and Sarah Beeny are forced to live on the street for 2 years as penance for encouraging the British property price fixation. Nick Knowles helps them fashion a shelter out of rejected credit cards, but they fall out over the decor.
The crippleton factor. A show where so called pro football players sign for a certain West London football team. The winner is the player who plays the least football due to injury's over the span of a four year contract...
Only Here for M'Bia Double act, TV presenter Dominic Diamond and his namesake, 80s pop-rockster Jim Diamond, follow Cameroonian international Stephane M'Bia on his journey for the African Cup of Nations
Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery Charlie Austin tracks down superheroes' alter-egos across Europe wearing a false moustache. Psycho Stuart Pearce does whatever the hell he wants to for money.... The Untouchables Tom Daley interviews Adnan Januzaj and Ashley Young about their ability to hit the deck without any contact whatsoever
Balotellitubbies. This week Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La and Mario let off fireworks in a confined space.
The Old Grey Whistle Test...Shaun Derry seeks to find out how many acts of violence he can carry out on Ashley Young without the referee sending him off.
Some of these remind of comedy porn film names (not that I am an expert by any means) but I've been told Shaving Ryan's Privates, Schindler's Fist and Romancing The Bone exist.
Countdown...... A fly on the wall documentary as cameras follow Sepp Blatter around while Greg Dyke trains as a sniper with the British Army. End of season culminates with a grizzly end for the FIFA head man.
Blend It Like Beckham A new cookery programme featuring the world's most famous intellectual. I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles Coverage of the court-case surrounding the terrible events after Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee was sold by al-Fayed to West Ham.
Homes under the hammer Documentary following West Ham legend Alvin Martin in his new career as a roofer
Morecambe and Wise Former Crazy Gang member Dennis Wise reminisces about his childhood holidays in the Lancashire seaside town. The Big Ban Theory Discussion programme. Tonight's topic: what punishment should Luis Suarez get when he bites someone else? 24 Nigel Pearson reveals his points target for the season. Malcolm In The Middle A look back to Newcastle United in the 1970s
